When I slow down I feel anxiety? Help???
When I was in my early 20s, I was that girl who was always out, always doing something, completely incapable of sitting still… unless I was tanning on a beach somewhere. Slowing down felt impossible. And when I actually did try, all the heavy emotions I had been running from would come creeping in, trying to speak. I remember sitting in nail salons with crippling anxiety because that was one of the only places where I was forced to be still. And when I tell you… panic attacks? From just sitting in that chair? Yeah. Panic attacks.
On the outside, I looked totally fine. But inside, I was trying not to pass out.
I rarely journaled. I didn’t check in with myself emotionally, mentally, or spiritually very often. The only way I felt happy was by staying productive and constantly moving.
It wasn’t until I started dealing with intense anxiety, both social anxiety and everyday anxiety that I finally chose to slow down. Honestly, I didn’t have a choice. Deep down, I knew I was just running from one distraction to the next so I wouldn’t have to feel. The truth was, I was unhappy. Unfulfilled in my career. Living far from my closest friends. Stuck in an unhealthy relationship that crushed my self-esteem and left me with a quiet, aching self-hatred born from years of self-abandonment.
When I did slow down, it was terrifying. It wasn’t just silence, it was sadness, loneliness, and a kind of fear I had never felt before. I felt overwhelmed, paralyzed, and more anxious than ever.
For years, I had been abandoning myself. I wasn’t kind to myself. I relied on others to make me feel whole. Looking back on that version of myself, I can’t help but sometimes still ask myself How did I not know better? How could I have allowed that? Why did I treat myself like that?
I remember listening to Peter Crone once, and he talked about how, after getting dumped, he kept asking himself questions he couldn’t answer. Eventually, all he could say was: “I don’t know.” That stuck with me.
We can ask ourselves why all day long. Why we tolerated something. Why we ignored our intuition. Why didn't we choose better. But at the end of the day, we did the best we could with the tools we had at the time. The version of me that made those choices didn’t know how to do better. Emotionally, I wasn’t equipped to face things the way I can now.
Shame is one of those emotions that a lot of us carry and it doesn’t serve us. In fact, it was shame that kept me stuck in a cycle of fight-or-flight. Shame that made me avoid my feelings. Because if I allowed myself to feel, I’d have to get really, brutally honest with myself.
Whether it’s shame, grief, low self-worth, or something else entirely that has you running, you have to ask yourself the hard questions. The easy route is pretending. Going with the flow. Faking fine. But you know the truth. And even if you tell yourself a different story every day, your body and your spirit know.
That anxiety I felt? It was the build-up of all the lies I was telling myself.
So if you find that you can’t sit still, that you avoid your feelings, that you only feel valuable when you're busy, these questions are for you:
Ask yourself:
Who am I when I’m not performing, helping, or achieving?
What am I afraid will happen if I slow down or do nothing?
What feelings come up when I stop moving or distracting myself? Can I name them without judgment?
What does “being productive” mean to me? Where did I learn that definition?
What parts of myself am I trying not to face by staying busy?
The Slowing Down Toolkit
1. 5-Minute Body Check-In
Close your eyes, breathe, and scan your body. Where are you holding tension? Can you soften there without needing to fix it?
2. The “Not-Productive” List
Do one thing that’s nourishing, not productive. Try to water your plants, stretch to music, doodle, or watch a comfort movie without guilt.
3. Feelings Before Phone
Before reaching for your phone, ask: What am I avoiding right now? Try a 2-minute pause to just feel what’s there. (This one I have a love hate relationship with) lol
4. Quick Journal Prompts
If I could say anything right now, it would be…
The truth I’m scared to admit is…
What I actually need right now is…
5. Safe Movement
Move your body in a way that feels like coming home, not punishment. Things like slow dancing, stretching, or simply swaying.
I hope if you also struggle with always having to be busy, this made you feel seen and offers some type of reassurance that you are not alone.
xx
Nicole
